lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
