I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
