Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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