I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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