He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
