He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I cut my penus on the lid.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
