Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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