I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
