it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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