..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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