also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
