Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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