it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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