If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
