it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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