screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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