i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can't turn off my feet"
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize