Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
