I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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