I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
