i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
