i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
