perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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