don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
