i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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