The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
