You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
