Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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