I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
