I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
