I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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