i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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