Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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