just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
