BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
