"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
