I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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