Already got asked if we're dating
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
