I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
