You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
What drink are we having for lunch?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
