i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
