All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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