you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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