I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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