Your favorite bartender is back from prision
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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