brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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