If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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