I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize