i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
