I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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