Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
