Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
