I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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