Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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