does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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