I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
