Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
