we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
