Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
ok first of all what the fuck
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
