i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
organizing the empties. That sober.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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