Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
