I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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