we have officially lost it.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
