does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
