I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
