Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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