I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
