DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Your shirt... Was in my pants
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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