just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
