my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
